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Monday, December 22nd, 2008
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6:26 am - Unknown
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The world is a sad, upsetting place. There are times when I feel there is good in our hearts, and perhaps that is true, but it appears to be outweighed by selfishness, hate, anger, and jealously. Despite that I have not been specifically attacked by any such happenings, I am feeling the shadow of it, and it has reflected in my day, which i spent eating foods I would normally label as "bad". I watched sad movies, and was grumpy towards those that probably needed me, and for this I wish to apologize.
I would like to think that I am worthy of love, worthy of finding someone who is more than simply interested in sleeping with me and then remaining friends, and never being able to really get involved and take any risks. I guess I'm playing it safe in a way, I don't want to get hurt, so it's easier to be with someone that I know their intentions, even if they are not the best ones, but I can understand it all at once and so it is appealing. Sometimes I wish no one read these at all so i could write in real secrets, I have a few, I need a secret holder!
Vacation is a nice idea, but quite frankly, they don't agree with me. Too much time, with little to do can be devastating for a girl like me. I should never have ample time on my hands, it simply shouldn't be allowed. I need to get some structure in my routine during vacation or else I will probably fall apart.
The up side, is that despite my frequent sad mood, I have been seeing old friends. Hanging out with kids I really love spending time with. I have drank too much this weekend though, friday through sunday... I'm just not used to it. It's exhausting! But I must say that i had fun.
Christmas is so soon, I wish I was looking forward to it more like I used to. It's really hard not having a significant other during the holidays, I understand why so many adults used to tell me it can be a very lonely time of year.
current mood:  disappointed
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| Thursday, December 11th, 2008
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10:48 pm - Maybe only lee reads these?
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It is the end of the semester. Thank god. I am working at a decent pace with final projects and I feel I'll be ready with m reviews with no problem as I've done all the work form the semester. It's the two take home finals I have that make me a bit nervous. I know everyone does this, but I don't want to start these finals in fear of not getting them perfect. It's funny how when you do really well for a while, it actually stresses you out more, because now you have this overwhelming pressure to continue doing well. Sometimes its easier to set the bar low so that you don't get disappointed.
It's cold in the apartment. There is a constant draft coming in through our windows, and all we have to do is seal them, but apparently we are simply too lazy and distracted to concern ourselves wit such things.
I miss Erin. I miss her. I like having her hear every stupid thought in my head and every thought in hers. I like that she seems to know just about everything. My little non judging encyclopedia of personal conflict. Why do I even bother paying for therapy when I have erin? I suppose the degree in psychology has something to do with it.
If I went to bed now I would get almost eight hours of sleep, but i'm not tired, i'm wired. either way i'm on lee's computer and i should probably give it back. <3
current mood:  okay
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| Tuesday, July 29th, 2008
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8:05 pm - tricks are for kids.
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Aiden is my new grocery store partner. Horay for meal plan compliancy! I was able to not spend 4 hours in stop an shop worrying about what brand of bread I should buy because I had Aiden there to distract me. It worked out well... This is my second week in a row of paid vacation from nannying! I must say that I have been making a concious effort to enjoy it. Trying to get out, be with friends. Lee, Laura, and June and all those guys and whoever else is hanging out with us have been my saving graces this summer and I couldn't be more thankful. They keep me busy, that's for sure... and the best news of all is that i know what i am going to be for hallpween... but i won't spoil that just yet.
current mood:  hopeful
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| Saturday, May 3rd, 2008
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6:18 pm
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I write entries, but then i just delete them... it's strange.. I guess i ramble in these, as we all do.. but i think maybe only like 2 people can even see mine..? I don't know how to check these things.
Anyway, I think if someone reads this they should get in touch with me. I think if someone reads this they should call or something. I am lonesome and bored. Not even my own parents seem to want to be with me. I am lucky to have a dog. Loyal, faithful reese. I read one of my journals the other day from when I was ten years old. I had an entry all about my dog. I wrote about her fur. The color of her nose and what she liked to do. I can't imagine what it would be like to have a journal entry sounding like that one now...obviously, as i am not ten. no, i am 22.
There are many things i wish i were doing tonight. Writing in this online journal is not one of them. I might go out and sit... watch people.. make a random friend... i'm good at that.. i suck at keeping them, but i am good at making them.
current mood:  stressed
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| Sunday, June 24th, 2007
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6:19 pm - A special thank you
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I would just like to take this time to honor the work of the one and only Petey. For he has set the bar high in entertaining me via internet. He never fails to point me in the right direction of disgusting humor. Whether it's a photo of Steve Lopes altered to look like he is in a gay porno, or a looped video of a woman giving birth to a nerf football, he has never let me down. Whether it's 7 o'clock at night, or 3 o'clock in the morning, Petey is always on duty. Much like other heros, such as firefighters, police men, and doctors, Petey is always on call... kthanksbye
current mood: grateful
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| Thursday, June 21st, 2007
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9:28 pm - camp wandakanda, we hold you in our hearts
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hmmm, i am nervous, i start my new job at camp tomorrow, well start training anyway. I hope it's fun. I have been alone all day long.. i had plans, but i kinda got stood up. So, i am lonely. I am lonely a lot, but hey, what can ya do? Maybe i will make friends at camp!! ha, cuties there. why doesn't anyone write in this anymore... or better yet, what websites are you guys going to instead to keep yourselves entertained on the world wide web?
current mood: anxious
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| Sunday, June 10th, 2007
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10:38 am - Summer time...
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wow, already my summer is, well, memorable. I miss ashley and barry but at least i have stories to tell them when they return... as i'm sure they'll have some for me. Ok, so basically, I am acting my age (as best i can, without forgetting who I am) and trying to really suck in summer. Interested? Call me up and hang out with me!!! Ha. no really though. doooo it.
current mood: amused
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| Monday, January 29th, 2007
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3:59 pm - A formal complaint
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Dear MassArt,
Islamic Art and Architecture is so incredibly boring. Please fix this. Religion is so ridiculous. I can't even explain how stupid most these stories are. I mean, have you ever heard the story of Abraham??? It's so ridiculous. The Koran reports that his son (Ishmael) live to be around 400 years old... this is annoying me. I can't even pretend to understand people of faith. Please let's talk about the art and design instead, even though religion greatly influenced the artists, I just don't care.
Yours truly,
Alison Miller
current mood:  grumpy
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| Tuesday, January 23rd, 2007
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6:03 pm - My birthday is now, and you better respect it bitches!
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My birthday is on wednesday the 24th but we'll celebrate on Saturday (the 27th) night!! woooa! Ok, if you want to car pool (which is probably a good idea) meet at my house around 6. (I know that's early, but Ellen is pregnant and will probably not want to stay out real late, but we can!) We're going to The Lynn Sports Center on the lynnway... now, it would be better of course to go to a bar but most of you are still little youngsters so this place must do! so if 6 is too early for you workers then you can meet us there! Be sure to bring some money for drinks bowling or whatever we dedcide to do, and if your under 21 and depending on the people there, i will buy your drinks for ya. Ok, i'm really really excited that I get to celebrate my birthday with friends this year, so it means a lot to me if you can come!! hope to see you on Saturday!!!! <3
Ali
current mood:  bouncy
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| Saturday, November 25th, 2006
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12:36 am - Titanic with my dad is not very romantic
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Although I had an eventful and fun day, i'm feeling lonely now. Me and erin went to IKEA and it was a good time. I bought my parents a christmas gift and we ate at the Olive Garden and then met up with barry and chris and saw a movie... then me and erin stopped by a party (i won't name names) but it was filled with a world of white trash... serious white trash... my favorite was this kid.. ok, fat big beer belly, bottle in one hand cigarette in the other, wearing a wife beater (a dirty looking one at that) and to top it all off, a classy white bandanna tied neatly around is greasy shaven head hitting on a trashy drunk chick who was probably drugged and will later regret her entire life.
now, the night after thanksgiving, i'm on my sofa watching the last few scenes of the traumatic movie that is Titanic... What a shitty fuckin film.. i saw it over a dozen times in the theater in elementary school. it's quite gross however... i imagine myself sliding down wooden planks only to be stopped by striking a steel bar, or hitting the water for the first time and being so cold that i can't breathe, or watching everyone slowly die.... silly people, why didn't they just build enough life boats.,.. fucking idiots..
current mood:  bored
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| Thursday, October 5th, 2006
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8:45 pm - Dear world,
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I am lonely. Where is everyone? What is everyone up to? I call people but hardly get returning calls. I know that folks are busy, i just wish i had more of a life. My doctor says i have ADHD, and i've pretty much have always known that it's true, i just don't feel like dealing with it. The only thing that seems appealing about getting the meds would be that they would probably make me loose weight. Well, ok maybe, maybe maybe, the drugs would help me pay attention more, and calm me down, and make me stop talking so fucking much, and allow me to sleep better, and be able to take tests, and to stop moving around so much and maybe help me from being so god damn loud. now, don't get me wrong, some of those things i sort of like about myself.. in a weird way.. being loud and goofy and impulsive is part of who i am, and i try to embrace that, but i know i go to far. Sometimes i just can't shut up, i literaly can't stop talking. I have these horribly vivid dreams and wake up confused, and i focus on them half the day instead of paying attention in class.. However being so hyper or whatever, i do produce a lot of art, i can pull stuff out from my head quickly, but maybe my work would be better if i could focus a little bit better. blah blah blah here i go... i went to the gym and did a good work out, and i've been pretty proud ever since.. i HAVE to keep this up...... anyway, grey's anatomy is on now and since i have a very pathetic life i must tune in!
current mood: tired
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| Thursday, July 13th, 2006
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1:55 pm - boreeeeeeeddddd
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Omg!! i'm bored!! someone call my house cuz i've lost my cell! 781 595 8813
current mood: bored
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| Friday, June 30th, 2006
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2:02 pm - For the Crazies
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To any of you who feel as if they may have gone a little nutts while being a teenager: That's how i've been feeling the past week or so. I feel like a emotional mess, the way i often felt in high school. Like i can't stop sleeping during the day, and then last night i didn't go to bed till about 3:30, today i feel anxious and weird, i can't eat... i'm not hungry at all. I ate a decent amount yesturday... A little splurge with dinner... well a big one cuz we went to the cheesecake factory... but i feel only slightly guilty. I looked in the fridge, and for once there was a decent amount of what i would consider "good healthy lunch food" but i couldn't bare pick up any of it... maybe i'll feel like eating in a little while. I feel like shit on the inside, yet it's so easy for me to act normal on the outside.... I can carry out a conversation in my regular bubbly personality, but i feel like such shit. I feel 16. I haven't left my house much. I pushed my way into going out with ashley and caitlin.. i need to get off my ass. Erin called... i like when she seems to call at just the right moment. people are not against me.. that's crazy... sometimes i guess it just feels that way. Me and peter have been playing scrable to keep ourselves busy, and i love him for staying with me while i get in my crazy ways for a little while... I haven't reread any of this so i'm not sure if it makes sense.. i'm having a hard time getting it out! So, that's it... if you ever feel crazy sometimes, or basically all the time, well, you're not alone. I guess some things you just don't grow out of.
current mood:  crazy
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| Sunday, June 18th, 2006
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11:31 am - My deepest apologies
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So, for the few people that attend erin's party on friday, i must say sorry for all my dancing, and probably some embarassing comments! especially to those irish boys!! But seriously... me and erin started drinking at 7:30 by the time people started to show up around 10:30 we were already quite drunk... i got really drunk thinking that no one else was gonna show!! haha! so i'm innocent!! But we had a lot of fun anyway...
In other news i would like to wish ashley a very happy 18th birthday! i'm pumped about going out tonight! wooooooo! ok bye
current mood: bored
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| Wednesday, May 17th, 2006
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9:27 pm - ART-NESS
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Greetings! I'm just throwing it out there for anyone that may be interested and for those who have nothing better to do on saturday night... so this saturday for 7-11 (don't have to stay the whole time!) is an art auction at Raw Arts in downtown and some of my work is going up for sale to bennifit Raw's program.. it will be a nice artsy party and sadly as of right now i'm going solo! :( so anyone who would like to be my date for the night please comment and give me a call. It should be pretty cool, and you'll get to meet old crinkly rich women who like to talk to young people about their pathetic lives, which is actually pretty funny. so... support me if you can, i know it's short notice, but call me up!
current mood:  good
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